This morning, I sat in the University of Maryland's Stamp Student Union eating a Sausage and Egg McMuffin outside the Co-op. There were plenty of seats in the main dining area, but I thought it would be particularly obnoxious to eat McDonald's outside of everyone's favorite Marxist food store.
Anyway, when I finished my greasy, fattening, and mostly processed capitalist pig breakfast, I decided to do some grading. As my comeuppance for ideological snobbery, however, I was utterly distracted by the conversation taking place behind me.
Here are some paraphrased snippets that I thought I would share so that the world could get a glimpse of a Terp. I also think it says a lot about the progress American university campuses have made regarding gender and the sexual revolution...
[The following paraphrased conversation actually happened. I am not making this up. It might not be verbatim, but I have not added any plot points whatsoever. It's also not fit for general audiences, although the conversation was uttered at very loud decibels in public.]
Girl: So I was watching the last of the Star Wars movies with him last night...which one is it...Empire Strikes Back? [At this point, the eavesdropping sensors were activated...]
Guy: No, it was Return of the Jedi.
Girl: Oh, yeah, well, anyway, you know the scene where the Princess wears the collar...I saw that and said, "That is a great collar." And, you know, everyone was like, "What do you mean?" And I said, "It's a really cool collar. I wish I had one like it." And they were all surprised and said "Do you wear collars?" And I said "Sure, you know, sometimes for sex, but I don't have a metal one."
[...time passes...I fail a student or two...]
Guy: He's cute. I know he's straight. But he's straight cute. [...then said something I can't remember about his LGBT classes...]
Girl: He's really shy, and everyone was impressed that we were laying on each other. They thought I was like a sorceress or something to get him to be like a real person.
[...another paper later...]
Girl: So they are all naked, and they are like, "You should be naked too." I'm into that kind of thing, so I got naked. But then, when the others came to the door, they were like "Whoa, you're naked!" They knew I was into kinky stuff, but they hadn't seen it. I don't have kinky sex all the time. I can have normal sex once in a while. But I probably have kinky sex at least once a week...I started doing that stuff when I was young, but it didn't start with me. I got into it because of the guys I was with. They liked it. But now I'm into it.
I don't think I ever heard anything quite so scandalous at UMD. I think that's what you get for listening to hippies.
I was thinking here that many of my noncatholic friends conducted themselves in a more upright manner than some of the Catholics I"ve meant here. How sad either way.
Posted by: Neil | March 15, 2007 at 02:40 PM