When Autobot commander Optimus Prime agreed to assist the top secret U.S. military department, Sector Seven, in exchange for material resources and fuel, he might not have read the fine print.
It turns out that federal aid to the stranded Autobots included some demanding stipulations, such as the requirement that all Autobots transform into GM vehicles, and that at least 30% of Autobot car modes go hybrid by 2015. Perhaps more significant, however, were requirements to restructure the Autobot chain of command.
Because the Autobots are now considered military-operated GM products, President Obama has insisted that Optimus Prime relinquish his position as their head.
"The Autobots were inefficient and unpopular under the old guard," White House spokesperson Gibbs announced. "Optimus Prime was clearly running them into the ground, and the president found it was time for new management."
As the new commander-in-chief of the Autobot team, President Obama has promised to take a new approach to relations with Decepticon.
"Optimus Prime was, frankly, an embarassment with his cowboy, John Wayne approach to settling disagreements with robotic fists and firepower," Obama said earlier today to thundering applause. "As Obamus Prime, I promise to renew peaceful negotiations with Decepticons, so that we might reach a mutually beneficial future despite our minor differences in worldviews. I am certain that we have much more in common with the Decepticons than we have hitherto realized."
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